Tomorrow is Mother's Day?

o.O Tomorrow is mother's day.... Ah well, usually all these years, I'd forget mother's day because the date isn't fixed. I remember my mom's birthday much better than mother's day. So, how did I remember this year? Well, can I forget if all my friends who can go back home told me that the reason they are going back home is to celebrate mother's day (although some goes back weekly)? Anyway, mother's day... is for me... an awkward day.... =_=" Why? Well....

Despite my good boy look (I said so, no one else said so, ya I'm "perasan" so what?), I am quite a rebellious son at home... err... maybe not only at home... even here... when she phoned me, I'd raised my voice for no apparent reason (yes, I'm such a bad boy, shame on me). Err... I'm very bad at expressing my feelings (as well as understanding others' feeling), which is why I'm more of a "kayu" than a human being. I have all sort of stuff I'd like to say that I don't know how to. At home, I quarrel a lot with my mom, I don't know why, I just do. Well, the intensity had decreased over the years but then, occasionally we still do quarrel. I think it's due to my immaturity and inability to truly express my feelings. I somehow labelled myself as a rebellious son and as such, I do not do much of what an obedient son should do. I never called home. I like to quarrel with my parent (my mom especially, my dad is too scary to quarrel with). I never offered to help them with household chores. I'm just so bad.

Anyway, I don't hate them by any means. Not that I never thought of them when I'm away from home. Also, not that I'm not willing to help them with stuff. I just find being a good boy... awkward (I know that's a weird way of thinking, but that's me). I accompany my mom shopping when she's alone but I won't say I want to, I know she'll ask me to and I'll just say okay (I won't if she has company tho'). At home, when they are busy with the household chores, I'd purposely sit around, waiting to be called to help out. I never offered help because again, I find it awkward to be such a nice kid. But they never did ask for help. And it just felt even more awkward to be sitting around while they busily clean away stuff. I'm here, sitting around, doing nothing, I didn't even have the laptop with me, I'm super free, why don't you ask for help? I guess, they never realised... Well, I never said anything. I never said it, but I do love my parent. They despite being strict sometimes, are undoubtedly doing all they can for us brothers. I did send sms saying I miss (did I sms I love?) them... but I usually do that when I'm far away and we won't be meeting face to face for some period of time. It is crucial that we don't meet as soon as I sent that sms because it would be awkward.

I remember back then, when I still live at home, I went to town with friends for some group discussion. After that, I went and buy a present and a card for my mom for her birthday (as I said, I only remember her birthday, not mother's day). However, when I got back home, I didn't give it to her. Instead, I kept it, because, it would be awkward, again. So, before going to bed, I sneaked into my parent's room, and left the card and present on her pillow, and quickly go to sleep. The next year, I saw on television, how to use old newspaper to make a handmade vase. So, that day, while I was home alone as my mom went to work, I went through our old newspaper and started making a very ugly looking handmade vase. Then, based on my memories on how to make flowers using papers, I made some flowers for the vase. And as usual, I didn't give it to her. Instead, I hid it in on her makeup table. Years after, I entered their room to look for stuff and I saw the ugly vase and flowers on top of the cupboard. I thought it would already be history somewhere in the rubbish dump since it looked like rubbish itself. I didn't expect to find it there. 

Now that I'm no longer staying at home, I can no longer sneak presents in her room. All I did was sent sms. Sometimes, mms. This year, since I learned how to play guitar, I though, I'd like to play "世上只有妈妈好" on a guitar but as usual, I suck at all I do. It sounded weird. Luckily, I didn't sing along or it would have been worse. My singing sucks, not just like a vacuum cleaner, it sucks like a black hole. It would have suck my mom's soul out if I sang. However, I remember back then, during primary school, my mom like to sing with us, I used to be able to sing even though I suck at singing. Now I can't. I've lost all confidence. T.T Anyway, I'm gonna send the sound clip to her email and hopefully she found it.