The story...

So, this is a story of what happened right before entering USM up til recently i.e. after about 1 year living an undergraduate's life.

[CAUTION : IF YOUR IMAGE OF ME IS A GOOD ONE AND DON'T WISH TO SPOIL THAT IMAGE, DON'T CONTINUE READING, I'M NOT THAT KIND OF NICE GUY].



So, that day, I received a text message from USM, telling me that I'd been offered a place in Applied Biology. I'm sure most people would be delighted over receiving such messages. Not for me though, Applied Biology is my 7th choice, or to make it sound worse, it's my 2nd LAST choice. Above would be Medic, Pharmacy, English for Professional, Maths and etc, while the last would be Computer Science. Apparently wanting to go for Medic or Pharmacy is too much to ask for by a nobody like me, with result like that it's obviously impossible, but what's the harm in trying right? There is a harm mind you and that is self degradation or easier called losing confidence in yourself. Anyway, I didn't plan to decline anyway although it would have gave me chances for Medic in other University. Why? Don't ask me, I was kinda stupid? Haha~ I don't know. Anyway, I was nervous, waiting for the day to come when I'll be officially an undergraduate. I'd been planning to use University as a platform to change my character. Try to build self confidence. Try to improve my social abilities. Btw, before entering University, I have this inability to socialize with stranger so much that I'd never buy anything from shops ('coz I don't dare talk to the cashier). Pathetic? That's me. I'm basically incapable of various other things but we'll discuss that next time.

Anyway, on the day I travel to USM, I received news of my grandma's departure from Earth which I'd talked about in another post, so I'm not gonna talk about it again. Reached USM, I was thinking, ok, smile to people you see, greet people you know, make lots of friends. Ya, right, as if I could. I was actually lucky in the sense that my best friend since secondary school is there too. He's offered Pure Physics though, so we'll be seeing each other less. So, once I cleaned the dorm and stuff, I went to my friends room and after a while I saw that hey, my dorm room's windows are open, that means, my roommate should be here already. So I head back and on the way I met a family. Ok, now, smile~ =) Great, a success. But dunno how long is this gonna last. Smiling alone makes my heart pump twice as fast. If I smile to everyone, I'd die? lol too dramatic eh? Anyway, it later turned out that the family I saw earlier is my roommate's family. Such coincidence. Anyway, enough with that part. Continue to the orientation part. OMG! Imagine the sea of people I met! (actually there wasn't that much people, I'm just nervous that they seems overflowing). Anyway, as usual, my friend earlier, the social king made friend with almost everyone there. o.O! How did he do that? Me? I end up making almost... no new friends? T.T Pathetic again? Oh well, I tried to think of something to say, see I'm thinking what topic to say but end up I had something stuck in my throat and nothing came out. Haiz. So, that's how orientation almost ended with me still at square one. I did end up with one friend which turned out to be the guy who will accompany me throughout most of my time in University. Of course at that time I didn't know yet. And surprisingly, my best friend earlier, the super social one, he didn't know this new friend of mine. =.=" How did that happen? Anyway, I quarreled a lot with this friend. Guess I am very good at finding trouble with him over small things. He's a multi-talented person who denies his talent saying they are just average. Yuh, right, at least much better than me, if that's average I'm nothing. Well, I spend a lot of time with him, telling him stories of my past and all. Cried a lot too...(too many sad memories unraveled) Oh, btw, I'm the one crying, not him, so don't make a mistake. He's not that weak as to crying in front of others. Then the real deal, Pimpin Siswa as they call it. We had to go to some camp to do some survival thing or something like that. It can help us become a "pemimpin" i.e. a leader they say I think. There we did things like jungle trekking late at night with no aid of torchlight, monkey grip ( is that what's it's called?), crossing a river using a shaky log, crossing a larger river at a certain height using ropes and others. Throughout that activity (which last around 3 days 2 nights), I didn't talk to people much except for an engineering student but I've lost contact with him now. He's in the engineering campus and I'm in the main campus. The activity was tiring, didn't have enough sleep and muscle pain and such but I can't say it wasn't fun at all. It was actually kinda fun. XD

Onwards to events that happened after that. Many things happened obviously. So, memorable things will be mentioned, hopefully not making this post too long. One thing I remember very clearly is that on my first few weeks there, I was so fired up that I woke up real early to study before class. Hahahaha. Now, I wake up hours before class. Before class, I even had the time to play games first. To think that my flame of will is so weak. Anyway, I used to think very highly of a university see. I think in a university, students would be so mature already that everyone will be extremely responsible of their own work. Alien, were I wrong. In a university, the rate of plagiarism is even higher than back in secondary school. Imagine my disappointment when I realize that. Not trying to brag, my work kinda get to be copied a lot. And truly speaking, I'm not happy with that at all. Still, I don't want to lose friends, so I don't want to fight with them over that. I thus resort to another practice - one that doesn't benefit any of us, well definitely doesn't benefit me - I delay all my work. If possible, I'll do them at the utmost last minute. That way, there won't be enough time for others to copy them. This is of course extremely bad as it "help" level up my procrastinating skill. Sometimes, even at the last minute, I feel lazy to do already. OMG! That's so dangerous. But of course I do finish all of them. I can't forgive myself if I left any undone without a good reason. As if that is not enough, some even copy during test. I really don't know what to do at times like that. I prefer not to do anything, pretending not to hear them call and ask questions. even if it's just a test, I can't help people plagiarize. Another extremely memorable thing would be that I used to get so stressed being in a university, I always put off the steam at the wrong place. Specifically, my mum is a victim. Every time she call, I'll shout angrily for no apparent reason. I'm so sorry for that. I know I'm a bad son. I also remember how once I saw a video posted on facebook. It was of those military men coming back from service to their family. The moment of reunion. I can't believe how I reacted as I saw the video. I cried and I realize that although at home, we seldom speak to each other, I actually miss my family. Although I always quarrel with my parents, I actually love them. Yet, being the egoist, I always break their heart. I'm so unbelievable. I don't even know how I could actually raise my voice at them (I never did change that bad temper of mine even after viewing the video).

Another thing I can't forget is (I keep grudge very strongly mind you) is that accident early the semester. I followed my roommate to the Student Main Hall to settle his PTPTN loan. Well, when we were there I saw that there's a lot of people in the hall, so I told him I'd be waiting outside. Outside I waited until the hall is closed. Where is he? He left.... I was raged. I really feel like shouting at him but still, I held back. I'm not sure why. But I did. Truly speaking, I never really liked him as a roommate. He's extremely annoying at times, with his singing and nonsense. Anyway, as they say, once you get used to it, it's nothing. So, in the end, I feel that it's rather normal for him to be randomly singing and talking nonsense. Not like he's evil or anything, he just adore his own voice. What do you call that? Narcissist? Or is that used only for people who like their appearance? Anyway~ I'd say he's actually quite swell a person, except for his occasional "F" remark and such as well as his extreme plagiarism. Well, another thing that happened in my 1st semester would be the incident where I joined a certain MLM thingy. Well, as sensible as I am, I don't know what got into me for joining them. Until now, I've not even recruited anyone yet and I don't plan to. This is absurdity. Joining this thing was a stupid act. I wasted RM 1500.00 for this and I feel extreme regret. But what can I say, I have learn the hard way. An experience that cost RM 1500.00! Where can you find? In addition, as a university student, we don't get to escape oral test. As aforementioned, I'm not good at socializing and as such are afraid of public speaking. So, I had an English oral presentation and a Malay oral presentation. The English presentation wasn't really satisfactory as I wasn't myself that day. Maybe I did speak considerably well, but it wasn't me on stage that day. I felt like a friend of mine. So, I wasn't quite happy with how it turned out. Anyway, my Malay presentation was a blast. I don't know how I did it but the teacher said that it was good. To think that the night before I was playing games til very late at night. Hahahaha~ Anyway, that didn't really help overcome my problem of speaking to others. Haiz... If just it would... Then come the final. My first final ever. I'm so nervous. I went to study with a friend. Appreciate it very much that he'd study with me. I'm not much of a study partner. And we aren't even from the same course. Hahahaha~ Anyway, I turned a bit crazy during the revision. One of the variation I take when under stress. The other variation would be a very sarcastic version (I'm by nature sarcastic but under stress I'm even more sarcastic) and a very irritable version, the one who can explode at the touch of feather. Anyway, my first year was basically like that. Is that long? Hopefully not. I've tried summarizing things up.

Continuing to semester 2. Ah, this one might be long. It had just happened recently. So, memories of it will be clearer. And that would mean, more stories to tell! Hurray!!! (Or maybe not hurray but uh oh...). I joined the Community Service for USM. I don't remember whether I talked about it or not before so I'm sorry if I did. So, there were projects to do and presentation to prepare. I got really stressed in actual. My group, Group 4 (Ah~ I like no. 4~~ ^^), decided to a bowling project and a drama presentation. Okay, one thing at a time. Bowling project. So, how does bowling have to do with charity or community service? I'm not sure frankly. It's called Bolos Campeonato Caridad or translated as Bowling Championship for Charity. The project is such that some of our own club members and other VIP kids are to play in the championship. And I think, I "think", the concept is that our charity is in the form of giving out happiness to those kids, giving them chance to play bowling. I was given the task to prepare designs for posters, banners and t-shirts for the event as well as to ask around to find out the cheapest price we can get. I have phobia talking to strangers!!!! Nothing I can do. I had to do it no matter what. So, I went to a few shop and asked them about the way they set prices. I also spend some time making designs with photoshop for like the first time in my life. I don't know for sure but during the planning of the project, I sensed it's not going well but I kept quiet. Sure enough, we need to have a slight change in plan because of certain inevitable factor and due to that, all my designs are not required because we don't have enough funds. T.T Maybe I should spoke up earlier, anyway, that's the past. Then, The drama presentation. We were to make any presentation to choose one for the Annual Dinner. My group actually chose to do a dancing presentation but I'm not for it as the dance are too girlish and I have stage fright. So, we changed to drama presentation. Obviously, I'm not going to act. I was assigned multimedia task with another guy. So, we're to prepare some sound effect and such for the drama. The other guy was in another club, so he's really busy. So, I had to do everything basically alone. Sometime, I feel angry at him, but I can't blame him for being busy. He has other commitment not like me, free with nothing else to do. But the demand by my group members can be quite extreme sometime. As in they discuss something tonight and expect it done the next night. What?! I have classes to attend to the next day and looking around the net with restricted access to find the right sound effect isn't easy. I was really angry that night. I sorta exploded as I tried to finish all the things in a night. I can't be sure I'm free the next day, so I had to burn the midnight lamp to finish it. I can't find satisfying sound effect since most audio based websites are blocked in USM, so I had to make do with whatever I can find. Good thing my group members don't have any comment about the multimedia as I don't know what else to do to it. Anyway, done with that club.

Another thing in the 2nd semester would be even worse than what happened in the club. I'm not telling what's the reason but once, I decided to break the friendship between me and two other friends. It's a very painful decision to make but I think I'm crazy when I made that decision. I wrote sorta a letter to both of them with my unreasonable reason as to why I decide to end the friendship (in the room of one of the two friends... what was I thinking?) Anyway, I can't help it as tears well up my eyes and thus without explaining much I left his room, puzzling him. With tears in my eyes, I can't go back to my room as my roommate is around. So, I walked all over the campus in the dark. Dark nights have never felt so lonely before. (I walked around the campus after midnight or before dawn around once a week, it calms the mind, and if you plan to rob me then, you'll find nothing on me, hahahaha, who bring money when strolling?). After sometime, I went back to my room as my tears had dried up and I believe my eye should no longer be red. Laughing and joking as if nothing happened. Playing games as usual. Acting normal. But as the light was turned off and I lay down in bed, I can't stand it but weep silently until I fell asleep. The next day, one of them asked for a reconsideration, but I can't. I'm still mentally unstable. He promised he'll settle things with the other friend but he failed. Instead, their friendship had turned for the worse as well. And he won't tell me what happen as to how it turned worse(despite promising he'll not keep secret). When I'm more stable, I tried to mend things back. I succeeded, to befriend both of them again, but they remain cold to each other. Despite being back together as friend again, things had changed and it's because of my crazy act of ending them in the first place. As time pass by, I try to go on living this ridiculous life, being friend with two people whom are no longer friend because of me and acting like nothing ever happened. If there is anyone so cold-hearted, that would be me. Anyways, as time passes by, other event occurred. I have friends having birthdays a few days apart from one another and from mine. So, I composed (actually I altered existing one) a song and present it to one of them. The other friend, having problem with his committee and such had it hard. He find me being unfair. I'm not good with words, so I don't really explain much at all, but I went into a rage. My birthday is the next day and yet today, he's there to find faults with me. Oh, btw, he's not only unhappy with not receiving any present but also complained on other things as well. Raging angry, I went around the campus "again". This time I walked at a speed that people would probably think that I can win the Olympics for walking competition. hahahahah~ Anyway, I stopped somewhere when my legs got too tired to continue on and started crazily pulling grasses. Thinking back now, I wonder if I have mental problem. Hahahahaha~ Well, being too tired, I went back to sleep. But later in the morning, when I woke up to go to the toilet, my leg feel so weak, I fell right onto the ground knocking my head on a board my roommate used to place his laptop and had a bruise on my neck. Ouch! Painful. I was so worried about my leg, but after I went back to sleep and woke up again, it's ok already. What a relieve. Huh~ Anyway, as usual, I acted like nothing happened, so no one knew why I fell except the person who made me go crazy of course.

Next up, would be the end of the year Muka Head project. That one you can find it if you trace back to my previous posts. And now, it's holiday. I'm busy playing game and singing like crazy. I planned to study, I even borrowed books from the library but I never did study. I procrastinate as usual. Oh, and a friend of mine think I'm trying to avoid him. He think I purposely oppose his post because I'm trying to avoid him. In actual I did that because he said one wrong word. He said I promised to tell any prob I had, which of course if you recall back, he never did tell me what's the prob between him and the other friend (oh, ya, he's the friend from before XD). That's why I'm unhappy, if you can't keep your words, don't expect me to~ Of course, he'd been a very nice friend, like abrother, but if he offend me, he still did. Oh, and I don't deserve his kindness either see, because I'm cold-hearted and cold- hearted guys need no kindness, or we should say deserve no kindness. I think I talked about that in the previous post anyway. And also the tutoring volunteerism I did. Haha~ My holiday is obviously wasted. I even dreamed of playing guitar~ Oh... I don't know if I should get one or not, I'm still undecided. I'm afraid that I'll put it to catch dust if I buy one. Haiz.... Dilemma. Anyway, hope it's not boring, I tried to put only memorable stuff inside. p.s. sorry to anyone who feel offended. And to all other friends I haven't talked about, don't worry, there will be a time when I'll write about what I think of you and by then you'll be the one offended. lol~ I'm so mean~