What should I do?

I was a boy, hyperactive to the core. Teachers were tired of my antics. I grew up to be a boy full of confidence. I had times of uncertainty but I shrugged it off as if it wasn't anything and it really wasn't. I walked up stages, telling stories full of actions and cheerfulness. But it all changed. As I boy, I learnt a lot - there are dangers lurking everywhere. I learnt that there is risk in everything done and that action should be taken to lessen or merely face the risk. But being a boy, I was too dependent - depend on others to do all. And as that boy, I grew to a teenage - a teenage full of uncertainty in life. As a teenage, I still was too dependent. I was deprived of the sense of responsibility. Entering a teenage year, one should not be deprived of responsibility. One should be given the right to carry them and feel the greatness of acomplishments. But, I as a teenage, was deprived of it and it turned out to be the thief of confidence. If procrastination is the thief of time, over-dependence is the thief of confidence. Never doing things on my own, I lack the confidence in myself. I can not take the first step. I need someone to lead. This slowly starts to get worse. I was in a school where I was given the position of president of clubs. This ought to give me the sense of responsibility but yet I was deprived of it. I was a president just by name while most activities were chaired and arranged by the teachers-in-charge. I was further deprived of the sense of responsibilty. Maybe someone will think that I'm lucky - parents don't give me responsibility because they love me (I don't blame them for that) or teachers don't give me responsibility because they know I lack leadership skills (I don't blame them for that either). In reality, I'm not so lucky for that has robbed me of my sense of responsibility and thus robbed me of my confidence. I was then elected as a prefect. I vowed to do my best. But in a school like that, there really wasn't much to do. Students were bound by the school rules and thus my life as a prefect go wasted. I still can't recover my confidence. Holiday came, I slacked off at home. Parent didn't ask me to do house chores and I didn't do them without being told. I didn't go for part-time jobs or learn some new things or socialise with others. I basically wasted my holiday at home separated from the outside world. What a pity. I should have done something more beneficial but I didn't. Now, I'm living away from parents, in University, where I had to be independent. Can I do it? I lack the confidence. I wished I could, but I'm too scared. I worry something might go wrong. I feel like an idiot sometimes - following what others do but yet alienate myself from them sometimes. People might think that I'm a total weirdo. I don't have a stand of myself. I sway easily even in the softest breeze. I still can't find the confidence anywhere. Will I be able to find it here in University? I hope I could. I wish to find it here. No, I must find it here! This is my last stop before going out to face the cruel world. Unless I can refine all my softskills here and get back the confidence I used to have as a child, I can never survive the outside world. 3 years is a very short period. I need to find it fast, before I lose the last piece of strength that keeps me hanging on the string of life. Motivators have always been great help in cases like mine, but unfortunately, I'm too much of an obstinate person. I can never take in what they have to say. I do not believe in the phrase " If you think you can, you can" I think that is impossible. If you can't, thinking that you can is merely lying to yourself. So, I need help from a greater motivator, one that have words that can really inspire me and not make me puke over his rootless words. I don't believe saying I can again and again each day will really make me can. I just don't. I need to find a prove to many things then I'll be satisfied. I know human is a unique thing. Sometimes, we are just inexplicable. That is why I'm interested in psychology. But knowing that human beings are unpredictable thing, I still look towards finding something in human that I can prove really does boost confidence. Because I don't believe it just appear out of nowhere and out of mere belief. Guess I'm just too obstinate but that's me. I want a PROVE! What should I do... I kinda feel like this quest is endless....meaning that I'll never find back my confidence.... Haiz... I'm such a loser...